"I see your looking for a few articles from husbands what are looking for things like how we feel about your love one being debilitated hurt in pain every day and having to take over most chores.
"Feeling guilty as your supposed to look after your wife and protect her from being harmed and not knowing something like this could never happen as it was just a half hour surgery or so which was supposed to improve your wife's life. Feeling horrible inside knowing you can't take away her pain watching your wife become somewhat dependent on her pain killers and knowing that even with them it's still not taking the pain away.
"Going for a walk as your wife needs to go either if it's raining thirty below or whatever the weather might be and you sometimes have to make her go as she has to bring down her blood pressure knowing if she doesn't she will just get sicker and sicker. Thinking back of all the good times before she had mesh put in and everything your wife and yourself did together now you just try to get through the day in a positive way which some days are harder than others, the bad days always hurt the both of you, as you know she is truly hurting inside and out, and knowing this just hurts as much.
"It saddens and breaks my heart when you can see that she thinks she's just being a burden to you but you see it coming and put a stop to it and assure her that you truly truly love her and you will always love her and you will always be there for her no matter what.
"It's so hard some days I really get it now when my wife said she was just beat and tired before she had the mesh put in and removed. When she came home from work, made supper, did whatever by taking care of her family and you took it all for granted. It just makes me feel that I have so much more gratitude toward her as I'm so tired some days now. Getting old I guess.
"It does wear you out in so many ways being a husband of someone who is a victim of mesh, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too as you are always worrying about what will happen next. Will she be able to handle it? How much more can she take as she's been through enough as it is.
"With the new symptoms of her heart issues now this was one of the scariest times just waiting to see what is causing her heart to have palpitations. I know how strong willed she is but to see that she is worried scares the hell out of me.
"I know the night when I took her to the walk-in and she was sent to the emergency room and after being after being there for hours they wanted her to stay the night. They had a bed for her, so just being down the road being in a small town we decided it best if I just went home and got a few hours sleep. I went home but I didn't sleep as I was so worried, I cried in my pillow trying to be quiet so my sons didn't hear me. I don't cry much but I found my self crying and asking to have her pain put on me and asking why.
"It's hard to be positive some days but you have to try. Life throws you a curve ball sometimes and it all depends on how you handle it, and if your married you got married for a reason it's because you loved that person, so if you get thrown this ball and your loved one is hurt, be there for them, care for them, give them words of encouragement. Don't just get up and leave because things are not the way you want them to be.
"Yes, it's been hell but at the same time it's taught us a few things in life and yes I do feel lucky in ways to cherish the today's as you don't know what the tomorrow's will be."