Your Turn – Traumatic Evil, Pocket Change of Tyrants

//Your Turn – Traumatic Evil, Pocket Change of Tyrants

Your Turn – Traumatic Evil, Pocket Change of Tyrants

Pain by Jade R

Mesh Medical Device News Desk, March 20, 2017 ~ The following essay was written by a mesh-injured woman. She is looking forward to an upcoming trip where she will sit on a beach and contemplate her present and her future.

These words represent her opinion.  She prefers to stay anonymous.


Traumatic Evil, Pocket Change of Tyrants

“Implanting a vaginal medical device without consent is an invasive event of traumatic evil. We were all victimized, and we all are suffering.We are broken and wounded victims. Rape is a crime of power, domination, and control we all were surgically raped. I am going to sit on the beach this week and bottle my tears, send them out into the ocean with God.

My work is done.

Maybe one day I will read they are all out of business. My heart can bear no more. Do not let go of this one hope.

What we are doing may save our children and grandchildren. Compensation will not change the horror nor will it end the implanting of patients with plastic. Knowledge will stop them. I personally have to walk away.

The filth of the spirits who implant and the legal professionals who defend and the legal leeches who drain money from victims; is more knowledge than I every wanted.

I shield my sorrow in knowing my daughter will not be a victim. This is all I walk away with, the protection of my child.

Others may pursue the pocket change of these tyrants, I will not. I will stick my toes in the sand and weep one more time for all I have lost. Then I must hold on to what is left of me. In these last days of my research I made a new friend, she is a criminal investigator, she focuses on the crime of rape. When you have been in a room with a monster you never forget. 

I shared my story with a friend Friday after my last conversation with the attorney.

As I mentioned the name of the implanting surgeon, she responded, “In 1997 his father gave me an unnecessary hysterectomy and I could have no more children.”

In that moment I knew there are two monsters who had harmed me and my friend.

On March 29th I will look up at the stars in the Gulf of Mexico and know God is listening to the sound of my tears spilling into the ocean, unleashing the pain of 13 years. I will come home, different. Poured out upon the sands of life, with only one mission to pray for others who have been wounded by monsters.

Surgical rape is a life-changing event. A violent assault awakens some of the most painful, horrifying emotions that humans are capable of. Terror, shock, unbearable pain, overwhelming helplessness, and vulnerability are just some of the feelings I have experience. These are powerful feelings that don’t just go away. Instead they affect every area of your life. I am 57, implanted for 13 years. Do not let yourself or your family become implanted with surgical mesh.

Prolift explant

My friend taught me I was stronger than the monster

You might have heard that your identity should be that of a survivor instead of a victim. But “survivor” only means you’ve outlived something. If your ship goes down and you are rescued, then you survived the shipwreck. When your identity is that of a survivor, you are still defined by what happened to you.

What happened to you—the hateful thing that took place—still dominates your identity.

I cannot live that way. It’s no accident that people who come to terms with an evil like this often become clear-minded about the way forward.The way forward is one step at a time.

Living after overcoming evil is more than survival.

It is a necessity to live stronger than the monster.”

By |2017-03-21T13:41:15+00:00March 20th, 2017|Op-Ed|25 Comments

About the Author:

I’m National News Editor, Jane Akre and I began Mesh Medical Device News Desk aka Mesh News Desk (MND) in the summer of 2011 just after the Food and Drug Administration issued an explicit warning to the public that complications associated with surgical mesh used for prolapse repair (POP) and incontinence (SUI) are NOT rare! That was the starting point for the litigation you see today and thousands of lawsuits have been filed by women whose lives have been altered, some permanently, by the use of this petroleum-based product.


  1. Still Standing March 20, 2017 at 4:33 pm - Reply

    That is the single most powerful thing I have ever read on this site or anywhere for that matter. May you be abuntantly blessed on you way forward. Yes, you are more than a survivor. Thank you for sharing such a poignant, bittersweet and haunting narrative.

    • Patient Advocate March 21, 2017 at 1:03 pm - Reply

      Evil does not win if we move on. Caldera victims are tossed the pocket change of tyrants. You cannot westle a muddy pig and the attorneys have made this a mud fight. Roses grow among thorns. Thank you for your support. Be as well as you can.

      • Still standing March 27, 2017 at 10:20 pm - Reply

        I just wanted you to know that i am traveling with you in prayer as you start your journey toward peace at the Gulf of Mexico this week. There are more ways to be healed than physically. Thank you for your inspiring story of grace. I will never forget it.

  2. Kitty March 20, 2017 at 8:26 pm - Reply

    I didn’t see power in this post. I see resignation. The evil has defeated u. Go and get some rest ..regroup and come back to receive what u deserve. I am so angry at the arrogance if hippocrits.

  3. Patient Advocate March 22, 2017 at 1:36 am - Reply

    Resting will not change the loss. Their is no regrouping after tyrants not only toss pocket change when the Judge approves the tossing of pocket change. It is not resignation it is simply the walking away from the myth. The Myth: Justice prevails, and we get what we deserve. We do not. We will not. All mesh settlements will end by the end of this year, 2017. Futures will not hold fair compensation. Gathering broken glass from the sands of sorrow is always admirable effort. I gathered my truth, I hope you fare better. I hope many fare better than Caldera Medical, Inc. wounded victims. The power in what I wrote was intended to be the power of the future, laced in the truth that I am stronger than the monster. Tonight I wrote this because victory just came out of surgery in Arizona. My brother had emergency hernia surgery, because of his wife and I being mesh survivors, two surgical emergencies hernia repairs were done WITH NO MESH. This is the fight I won. We, the consumer can demand NO MESH.

  4. Patient Advocate March 22, 2017 at 2:14 am - Reply

    I always try to leave power of the story behind, here is the victory of my journey. Tonight in Arizona my brother, did not get implanted with mesh because of my knowledge and his wife’s knowledge as we are mesh injured. She advocated for emergency hernia repair without mesh. As a Caldera Medical, Inc. implant victim there is no compensation to obtain. There will be no just settlement. I am not defeated, surgical mesh harm knowledge saved a family member today. One on One advocacy is where I reside now. Evil did not when, he will not live one day with MESH, even though I will live the rest of my life with it. God bless you I hope you obtain fair compensation for your injuries. The only thing the Evil did to me is teach me the horror of mesh so I could save my friends and family in the future from it.

    • Anon March 22, 2017 at 6:18 am - Reply

      Thank You!…….Powerful Words

    • Kitty March 22, 2017 at 7:20 am - Reply

      Sorry if I hurt your feelings.

      • Patient Advocate March 22, 2017 at 5:06 pm - Reply

        No, Kitty, I did not want to post words that left anyone feeling defeated. I just wanted to confirm the horror of our injuries. Some will have to walk away with nothing but their courage. Be as well as you can be.

        • Kitty March 24, 2017 at 9:16 am - Reply

          I went back and read what Jane reported. It is terrible and you have nothing to loose by telling your story. Maybe Jane could help u with a book. Thank u for your kind words to me

  5. Disgusted March 24, 2017 at 2:27 pm - Reply

    I totally relate to what you have written. I have cried my tears, I have given it to God. Mesh no longer controls me. I do live with the aftermath of mesh complications. So it is always beside me, but no longer controlling me. I hate the term “mesh complications ” because it seems to me that the mesh (which is the cause of all my issues) is somehow being separated and these complications are related to defect in me. So I had complications, but everyone else probably won’t. I’ve heard it too many times! We will never get our lives back. No matter what we receive, it won’t help. We can try to get the word out. Save a few in our own sphere of influence. God will have the last word. I am positive about this. I will do what I can. I will let the rest go. Peace be with you.

    • Bejah Butterton June 22, 2017 at 2:21 pm - Reply

      I also have given it to GOD. I have found a strange peace. I think more about Heaven these days.

      I feel that same strange peacefulness in our anonymous sisters words. Somehow I know that place, that beach, that sky.

      I always knew it (the polypropelene) would kill me. Now that death feels closer. Will it be my kidneys or bladder cancer or something else. This peace encloses me as I pass through the horror. The screaming time is over for me. I have taken off the armaments of the warrior and stand naked and beautiful at the waters edge in silence, wanting to swim, to dance but I can not, not yet, but the time will come. We do not end. We go on.

      The destroyers of life do not. GOD drops them into the primordial soup to be reformed into some other living thing in his own time.

      Thank you sister for this beautiful dreamy mindscape.


  6. "Sharon" March 29, 2017 at 10:29 am - Reply

    I truly hope you have found the peace you were looking for. I too had to just let it go. It was eating me alive inside. All the hatred I had just kept bubbling up in my throat. In order to take my life back I had to let it go.
    That doesn’t mean I don’t have days of sorrow for all that is lost.
    My innocence in believing that my doctor would not do/use anything that would hurt me.
    My innocence in believing there is justice in the court system.
    My longing to make love to my husband just one more time. I miss the closeness that was shared.
    My desire to re enter the work force. I had worked so hard to get to were I was in the work force.
    All the things we all have lost.
    Money cannot buy my belief that good was in all people. There is not good in all people. Some are just dark inside. Everyone and everything I have come in contact with since mesh was used has been controlled by greed of money from the doctors, AMS, and the legal/court system.
    We all have lost more than can ever be restored by time or money.
    Peace be with all of you. It is really the only way to heal and move forward.

  7. Patient Advocate March 30, 2017 at 2:41 pm - Reply

    I came to the beach with my grandson. Tears for the loss of wounded years. His kind way of walking slowly and just sitting as the waves roll over our feet and legs. The grace of a child who only sees his Mamaw and the beauty of the beach. Each of you are kind and we are strong women. Live free of the anger. I have to.

  8. Hiawatha April 1, 2017 at 12:59 am - Reply

    I AM A MESH WARRIOR !! I am a victim of both transvaginal & abdominal polypropylene mesh. My body has too been poisoned by the deadly toxins of this evil that I CHOOSE TO TRY AND DO THE SAME THING AS YOU MY DEAR PRECIOUS MESH SISTER !! Think constantly & continue to dwell on this evil monster or to wait on the call from your attorney with good news is just as bad as the mesh at times. We have to overcome the constant thoughts of the harm this evil has caused us. We have to allow GOD to give us the strength to be BIGGER THAN THESE MONSTERS /MOBSTERS/MURDERERS, LOVERS OF MONEY & NOT FOR MAN KIND . We have to find our HAPPY PLACE . It may be burried deep inside of us but as long as we’re still breathing it’s still there . It’s there longing to resubmerged!! Friends our families need us to do this !! They need us to find peace of mind about this all . If I could I would find an attorney to file attempted murder charges on the manufacturers of these softer than Charmin , innocent looking deadly mesh . It came to us unknowingly & like a devil is sheeps clothing betrayed so many of us . I too as soon as I can will go to “SOME BEACH SOMEWHERE “! I will meditate & pray & find the person that got lost over 8 years a go !!! She is in here I know because I dream about her ! Some dreams are nightmares but I AM A WARRIOR & THEY DONT THROW THE TOWEL IN !! God bless you my friends !! Thank you Jane for all these years of sacrifice!! Thank all of you !!

    • Anon April 1, 2017 at 7:22 pm - Reply

      I absolutely Love the term…..MESH WARRIOR. I am going to borrow it from you to gain strength on the days that I feel defeated.

      • Kitty April 7, 2017 at 3:06 pm - Reply

        I want to go to the beach. Each time I attempt it….a woman sabotages my serenity. Today…it was one of the main presenters From AUGS. Yes…that’s all I can say. A woman… I will try to go to the beach again…but not anytime soon. I will pray for all of us.

    • Bejah Butterton July 2, 2017 at 1:34 pm - Reply

      I also was a victim of abdominal and transvaginal surgery when implanted but that was not noted in the surgery file. They just leave for a permanent record what they want to. I saw this with my mother also at a different hospital.

      Remember me because we may have cause to approach this together due to the facts of our cases. If you know of others who are like us please ask them to connect with us.


  9. Patient Advocate April 9, 2017 at 5:17 am - Reply

    The Maker of the Sea: Five categories of damages, damage proper (nezek); pain; (tza’ar), stoppage of work; (shevet), the cost of cure; (ripui) and shame (boshet)

    I went to the edge of the sea.

    My reason to go to the sea was: Seek him that maketh the seven stars and Orion, and turneth the shadow of death into the morning, and maketh the day dark with night. Him that calleth for the waters of the sea, and poureth them out upon the face of the earth: The LORD is his name: He calls Himself the Maker of the Sea.

    I went to the sea to find healing. I left the sea with these thoughts.

    Plastic, wax, metal, glass, rock all define our individual loss at the hands of MDL attorneys. Personal injury is a legal term for an injury to the body, mind or emotions, as opposed to an injury to property. In American jurisdictions, the term is most commonly used to refer to a type of tort lawsuit alleging that the plaintiff’s injury has been caused by the negligence of another, but also arises in defamation torts. Damages include bodily injury, intentional infliction of emotional distress (IIED), and negligent infliction of emotional distress (NIED). If Multi-District Litigation is at a peak for it’s destruction from it’s abuse, we can help it’s demise. We are wounded by plastic and metal. The comparison below is very reasonable and laced in common sense concerning our injuries and our rights to individual trials. So, here are the common sense approach comparing personal injury by these items and each of us.

    My mother waxed her hardwood floors, my grandmother and aunts waxed their floors. All used the same brand of wax. The wax company was never sued for their wax causing an injury in their homes or homes across the nation. If a person fell it was the homeowner’s responsibility for all wax falls are not equal. It does not become an MDL for all Americans who slip on wax and are injured.

    Metal injuries, various metal has injured Americans but if your fork hurts you and your flashlight hurts you the metal company is not responsible. The individual actions of who held the metal in their hand and hurt you are considered. It does not become an MDL for all Americans who are hurt by the same grade of metal.

    Glass in a window cuts you, glass in your hand cuts you, glass in the mirror cuts you all glass is not responsible for your cut. It does not become an MDL for all Americans substantially cut by glass.

    Rocks cause a lot of injuries, they are individual injuries, and no MDL attorneys cannot consolidate all rock injuries so that they take and direct monies to their clients and leave others without restitution.

    So, now to vaginal plastic implants with metal anchors. Our injuries are personal they happened in separate houses (hospitals) all of which have liability insurance and participated. All of us were implanted by doctors and many who were paid as preceptors and who were working for manufacturers and their research teams. We were all injured by plastic, but we were not injured the same, we were not injured by the same parties, we were not injured at the same time and our future outcomes are not the same. A process to end all MDL’s is reasonable as they have misled us and paid some and left others without recourse.

    We are not only pioneers in advocating against the mesh, medical implants, medical battery and failure of consent. We are pioneers towards the future when Mass Torts are ended. It is unacceptable to continue this farce of fairness. It is unacceptable to be tossed a pocket change of tyrants at injured Americans.

    I went to the beach to set myself free of the anger and sorrow of this devastating life altering harm and injustice. Here is what I brought back from the beach.

    I am fearfully and individually made by the God who names himself the “Maker of the Sea.” He brings the ocean into the sky and pours it out as rain upon the each of us and our land. Please know the individual right to resolve one’s harm is a God given right. It is my religious right. Protected by the Constitution, no private agreement can take it. My faith gave the world these principles. I expect to have them protected. I toss these facts into this misdirected violation of my rights to recover the rightful sums for the five grounds of liability that I claim.

    Five Grounds of Liability
    In cases of injury to a person, Talmudic law identifies five categories of damages:

    damage proper (nezek);
    pain; (tza’ar)
    stoppage of work; (shevet)
    cost of cure; (ripui) and
    shame (boshet)

    When Multi-District attorneys set up tiers of settlements and base them on the number of surgeries, the five grounds of liability have been set aside by agreements which I had not party to. These agreements of greedy Multi-District Litigation Mass Tort attorneys hurt more than help Americans everyday. One honorable attorney could litigate the lack of fairness and the failure to provide restitution to each woman individually on this simple set of facts:

    The Five Grounds of Liability in cases of injury to women injured by pelvic mesh implant are being ignored. Women are not afforded fair and constitutional representation, their 7th Amendment and their religious right to evoke all religious rights are being dismissed. The Jewish law for me is being stripped from my claims. The tenant that the five categories of damages, damage proper (nezek);
    pain; (tza’ar), stoppage of work; (shevet), the cost of cure; (ripui) and shame (boshet) should apply to recovery are being dismissed by the very attorneys who claim

    I expect nothing less. I have sat at the edge of the Sea, The Maker of Sea cares for me. He is my Father, maker of Heaven and Earth and he knows I am wounded. He knows how hard it is and He is my advocate. Someday, somewhere, in His time, He will get my settlement. I faced the sea and thanked him for the courage to stand in this storm. I bowed before Him at the edge of the sea and prayed for all injured as I am. I asked Him to shake both sides of my litigation from the greedy MDL attorneys to the manufacturers. The crashing of the sea upon the shore, the clarity of the stars overhead, the smell of the sea all confirmed HE the Maker of the sea is on the side of the wounded. I am returning to the sea in a month. To sit in the mighty presence of a loving Father, who sees my wounds and knows my harm. He will restore me from this affliction.

    Never forget your value, to HIm we are irreplaceable. My anger and sorrow melted in the love of God. He is still moving, He knows our injuries are personal. He established the five grounds of personal injury in the Old Testament, attorneys on both sides should be ashamed for the removal of these harms from our settlements.

    • Bejah Butterton July 2, 2017 at 1:37 pm - Reply

      Standing with you,

  10. Kitty April 9, 2017 at 6:06 pm - Reply

    Thank you for post..yasher koyek
    HAPPY Passover.. Kitty

  11. Kitty April 11, 2017 at 7:46 am - Reply

    I keep coming back and reading what you say to make sense of this beautiful wtitten gift and …..a song comes to me “We Shall Gather at The River.”

  12. sharon April 29, 2017 at 8:54 am - Reply

    Thank you ladies for the beautiful words. You expressed exactly what I feel and cannot express as well. The Lord is walking with us throught all our health problems. I am praying and trying so hard to let it go. Then I look at my husband and children and grandchildren that help care for me, and make sure I am never alone and I feel like such a burden. The autoimmune problems that came after 2008, year of the beginning of the end, of course not caused by mesh (insert laugh here) I pray to return to my old self, never to be. Now I just want my pain at least lighter where my life does not depend on pills, God Bless you Kitty and all my mesh sisters. Hugs to all. May God hold you in the Palm of His Hand.

  13. sharon April 29, 2017 at 8:59 am - Reply

    Thank you Pt. Advocate, you stand tall among your mesh sisters. I am crying as I write this, tears of letting go, again thank you and God Bless

  14. Bejah Blue July 16, 2017 at 5:37 pm - Reply

    I consider these writings just on this page and I wonder, I am in awe at how extraordinary we are. I think the world is becoming more evil as I believe the Bible said it would yet in the midst of this falling into darkness we speak like angels and my fear is dispelled. I believe nothing can destroy us because we are of GOD.

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