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Your Turn: Husband on his Mesh-Injured Wife and Their Life

Mesh Medical Device News Desk, October 4, 2017~ Mesh injuries do not just impact a woman. Families are involved – children lose their mother, sisters suffer and so do husbands.

Some even leave.

The best of them stay, like this man.

He is anonymous but his words resonate with many. Thank you Katrina S. for bringing it to our attention.

In the winter of 2011, ******* and I started a relationship.

I thought she was a well put together woman that was full of life, energy, and self-motivated with long-term goals for her life. We were both ready to settle down, work hard and enjoy the rest of our lives together; which, we did for a very short time. We put our money together and started our own single truck owner-operator, trucking company. This allowed us to be together, work together, and travel the country, all the while working for our retirement.

Not long after we started our new investment and life together, we began to notice something was wrong with our sex life. In fact, she was experiencing severe pain during and after sex, and I was getting sores/scratches on my penis, unaware of the mesh even existing. This was before she found out the mesh was implanted and it had eroded through the vaginal wall.

You already know about the medical facts from her statement; but, I started a new life becoming her care giver, sitting by her side and comforting her as she goes through multiple doctor visits and surgeries. Watching her slowly change from the vibrant, energetic woman to someone who is in constant pain and suffering. We have spent so much of our time taking off of work loosing valuable time and money, not only in our business and investment, but in our personal life.

WikiCommons

The time we wanted to spend enjoying with each other and living this life of work and travel, now seems to be working to survive the time we spend in the doctor’s office, paying for what seems to be a never ending search for answers to the conditions that she is forced to live with now. It is not us traveling and enjoying the sites and adventures this great country has to offer while working towards retirement. It is working long weeks, 24 hours a day, so we can make it to the next doctor’s visit. It has gotten to the point where when we do travel; she cannot even get in and out of the truck. Most days she never even gets out of the truck to take a simple walk into the store to get her own food or drink because of the pain.

We never go any place where there are stairs, inclines or just general site seeing that involves extended periods of walking or sitting. We avoid restaurants, park benches or any seating arrangements that are not conducive to her inability to sit in a straight up position. She will literally just turn around and walk away from anything enjoyable, because she can’t sit if the seating is not comfortable. She can’t even lay down or relax to go to sleep without taking some type of medication. She can’t walk down her own driveway 100 yards to check the mail without some kind of assistance.

We can’t even have sex without me wondering how painful it is for her. This makes it worse when I am holding her while she’s crying herself to sleep because of the pain. She sometimes wants to give up because she worries about me. She worries she is letting me down and not being able to contribute to our business and personal life. It is very hard to watch someone that you love, admire and had everything going for them, miss out on life.

In the time we have spent since the diagnosis, I have watched her become less of a strong independent woman owning and running her own business into a dependent woman who is unsure if she can even get up and walk to the bathroom.

We have incurred multiple loans and debt from our family and taken out second mortgages to keep up with the costs of doctors, hotels, and travel to see these doctors. It seems we can’t stay at our business long enough to get ahead because we are constantly paying out dollars because of the mesh implant that she never asked for or ever knew she had in the first place.

It is a shame that the medical community can do this to people and continue the same to unsuspecting people in the future.

I feel that the manufacturer of this product has continually lied to the people and the physicians just to sell the product and be unconcerned of the risks involved. It is my wish that they would just realize and admit to the problems this product has caused and remove it from the market. It is sad that the manufacturer can say they now have a safe product and change some small print on a medical form, have the patient sign it and continue on down the destructive path of injuring and destroying the lives of innocent people that put their trust and lives in the medical industry and the physicians that supposedly care for them.

In closing, I feel that this product and its makers have taken away our business, personal and social life to the point that we may never recover. The losses we have incurred will continue to grow because it seems that no one can repair the physical or emotional damage that my wife and I have endured.

It is a tragedy that we, or anyone, has to suffer this way.

****

16 Comments

  1. Danie S. says:

    The is the life of all mesh injured

  2. Kitty says:

    You have expressed yourself in such a way that has transcended my anger to tears. So very sorry for you both.
    .

    • Jane Akre says:

      It is beautifully written isn’t it. How many men feel thesame way and how many haven’t a clue! I don’t know who he is, but he’s a wonderful human being

  3. Elizabeth says:

    Husband suffer big time there Penis gets red,sore looking and won’t heal months even years what get sent home from doctor with diaper cream wtf is that if there is any thing any one no what I can do for my husband please let me no as we can’t have sex nothing at all and no doctor even wants to help they say it’s normal because I am menapasaal I am 54 years old double here need help please anyone he wants it gone off his Penis someone

  4. Justine says:

    What a real man you are. Caring empathic and beautiful. What a tough gig….. my ♡ goes out to you both as a sole struggler of mesh. I hope u find answers you are looking for x

  5. What a trouper. Not many men would stay and support their wives/partners, especially when no sex and hard work supporting a loved one. (True Love)… My Wife is so supporting to me in a reversal role… I have had Hernia mesh Inserted 18 months ago and live in agony since! I’m drugged to dull the pain and spend sleepless nights on the couch watching TV to keep my mind off the pain, Testicular & femoral nerve pain are the 2x worst, plus toileting,1&2’s can be uncontrollable. I get no support from those who put this damn plastic in me, and just think I’m crazy or want to refer me to pain management! Ha, what a joke. my/our lives are ruined by this stuff.I even did not know they put it in me, ’till going on the Net and it came back with “The pain wont go ’till the mesh comes out” I then asked my Doctor and he casually said “Yes, mesh is in you” You are one of the unlucky ones about, -10% have this problem!
    Nice One… take some more pills. Argh!

  6. Maria says:

    What a wonderful man sticking by your side and understanding..
    This awful mesh as 100% destroyed many women’s life so very sad..😭

  7. Heather says:

    That is an absolutely amazing story. As a Mesh Survivor myself I have been very fortunate to have a husband that stands by me also. He has been my rock and without him I may have given up. He himself ended up a scars but never let that take away from being with me every step of the way. He is my soul mate.

  8. Anon says:

    Beautiful!

  9. anonymous says:

    The sad part of this story- although it is all sad- is that many women and men live like this. I myself have lived with this to long. I am like your wife, I was strong and had plans all laid out for our retirement. Raised my children was involved in sport and had dreams and then in one short surgery it was all taken away. I like your wife used to be strong and took care of everything, now I am a shadow of what I once was. I could support my self and take care of my self. Now I live in desperation each day hoping that tomorrow will be better. My marriage is over. Yes he is here but he is not, mesh has caused so much pain, physical and emotional and financial we can not repair it. I know when I finally settle my case I will move to some unknown spot and live the rest of my life alone. This has hurt too many people already and I wont hurt anyone else the rest of my life. As we mesh victims fight to have some sort of normal come back into our lives while the makers fight to bury us under a rug somewhere. Some women win 3-5 million dollars, and I am happy for them but why do the rest of us settle for meager amounts that will never help to restore or compensate us for our injuries? Are we less valuable then the other women? Yes, the argument has been spoken that they would all go bankrupt. Maybe they should. Because all they will do is continue to destroy lives with out any remorse for doing so. No amount of money can ever give me back the life I lost but perhaps I don’t have to live homeless at least.
    You are an exceptional man. Just don’t let the day to day drag you down. Continue to fight to find her help. It is overwhelming and tiring and some days you just believe it will never be ok. It might not. But just be there for as long as you can. We all need help and she is lucky to have you.

    • Jane Akre says:

      I’m so sorry anonymous. I know you live in pain. I can’t help but think of the Tom Petty song since we lost him last week, but it is an amazing son….”I won’t back down…” Maybe listening to it would help a little…. thank you for writing.

  10. SRankin says:

    You have told my story although my potential life partner left after his penis endured many deep cuts and the condom would get latched onto the mesh. I was in constant pain and had serveral infections due to constant vaginal bleeding. I had most of the mesh removed which was extremly painful. Now I am prolapsed and have urination probles including peeing the bed. I am so sorry to hear your story from a mans point of view and this makes me so sad.

  11. Sam says:

    Oh my, this could me my story, except my husband left me and couldn’t deal with the woman he met turning into a dependant one. His answer was to go on the internet and try to find someone else while I was undergoing a Colectomy. Nice husband eh. I have only just found out that the surgeon and the mesh have ruined my life. I have had 7 surgeries, 5 of them with a Surgeon in the UK who is being investigated. My husband and I divorced two years ago. I was just recovering from an incisional hernia operation when I met my new boyfriend, he knows the whole story and says he is with me all the way. I am now facing in 3 weeks, removal of all this mesh and losing my uterus, cervix and rectum due to this mesh. Let’s see if this one stays. At times I have felt suicidal, but as Tom Petty sang “I wont back down”, that is me for now. I am going to end up with an ileostomy in a few weeks, but as long as I am not in this dreadful pain, I will be able to go on.

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