September 21, 2012 ~ This question and concerns come up frequently…. how do men react to women undergoing extreme stress, pain, depression over their health after a mesh implant goes wrong. Some do not do well – complications leave their toll on marriages causing them to breakup, families dissolve, women are often suspected of having all sorts of motives. She wants to remain anonymous because of litigation but has shared her thoughts on the subject. Thank you!
“I was thinking about how mesh has affected our marriages. I know mine is stressed. I can no longer do the things I used to do and my husband has had to pick up duties such as laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. He has a demanding job and a long time ago we decided to have me stay home so he could have a haven when he came home. Now the stress is affecting his health and his job.
I know many women have said their husbands have left them once they were injured. I also know many women say (including me) that their families don’t want to hear another word about mesh (in general, there are some exceptions). Mesh complications can take over your whole life. I know this also. I would be interested in starting something that would help us COPE with the losses we are experiencing. Of course my lawyer doesn’t want me to say anything, but the pain is just so great!!!
There are some articles on the internet about living with a spouse who has a disability, but these are very limited. Something to help us bridge our relationships with our spouses and families. Marriage is already hard in the world we live in, but I know several women & men who are making it work in spite of all the devastating steps that is the life of a meshie.
Some points could be:
*What ideas are there for a couple/family to do together that a meshie can handle?
* Communication help, – unrealistic expectations addressed, I think this is a real problem for us, we want to just be where we were before being injured. Letting our spouses/families know realistic expectations. Etc.
* Dealing with guilt
I know this may seem so simple, but I think it might help with the common problem of depression coming out of this horrible product (and others as well!!!!) I believe our spouses also become depressed (especially men, because they are “fixers” and don’t know how to handle something that they have no control over, it’s hard enough for women).
This is much more than just a physical problem. These are just random thoughts that I thought I’d send you.